I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
