Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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