So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
