Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
