your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
