I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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