I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
