I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
