he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
