My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
