well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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