I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
