Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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