So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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