Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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