Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
