the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
