i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
