Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
