i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
