I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
