Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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