i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
