Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
