I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize