Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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