Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
