I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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