I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
