So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
