Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize