I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
