I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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