hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
