Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
