Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
