New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
