you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
