You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
