Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
