I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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