his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.