i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line