Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes

(586): View more from Michigan

I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition

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(586): On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes (586): I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition http://tfl.nu/j099

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(650): View more from California

Why were you high on a thursday?

(1-650): View more from California

today's a wednesday

(650): View more from California

I asked first.

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(650): Why were you high on a thursday? (1-650): today's a wednesday (650): I asked first. http://tfl.nu/enxr

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(310): View more from California

It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...

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(310): It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass... http://tfl.nu/egbe

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

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(202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c

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(314): View more from Missouri

i don't want you to think of me as your TA

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(314): i don't want you to think of me as your TA http://tfl.nu/7pvf

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(206): View more from Washington

I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

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(206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9

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(440): View more from Ohio

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

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(440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.

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(217): I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel. http://tfl.nu/8hwr

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(304): View more from West Virginia

The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous

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(304): The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous http://tfl.nu/w3if

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever

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(570): After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever http://tfl.nu/uu6v

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(407): View more from Florida

I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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(407): I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by. http://tfl.nu/944n

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(847): View more from Illinois

I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.

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(847): I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet. http://tfl.nu/ancz

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(206): View more from Washington

I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE

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(206): I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE http://tfl.nu/qqx3

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(989): View more from Michigan

If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.

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(989): If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals. http://tfl.nu/so0f

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(313): View more from Michigan

Why are you there anyways?

(248): View more from Michigan

Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist

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(313): Why are you there anyways? (248): Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist http://tfl.nu/9tvc

Replies (4) Good night (658) Bad night (189)

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