i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
