Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
