First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
