I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
