my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
