Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
