pop tarts are not kleenex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
