Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
