i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
