Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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