Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
