i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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