i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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