Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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