Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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