Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
