There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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