Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Be still, my beating vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
