a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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