If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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