using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
