True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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