OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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