yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
