I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
