Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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