I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
