he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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