Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
