even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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