Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
