he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
