I think my vagina is haunted
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
