Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Duck Duck Cougar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i think i have herpe
just one?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
