That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is the high leading the old right now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
